I have found that the shame and guilt that comes along with drinking leads me in a downward spiral of depression to the point of cutting off everyone in my life.
I have been through it all, but am at that point in my life where drinking is no longer pleasureable.
ONLY when he's drunk does he seem to want to prove anything to me.
So I told him, let's just keep this sexual - since I have to keep my guard up. Now that I've made it just sex and told him I can't wait to f*ck him, I don't know, it seems like he doesn't want me to be that way. I know that can be true at times but I personally don't take anything anyone says to heart when alcohol is involved.
I DRANK FOR 30 YEARS, FORTUNATE YOU FOUND OUT EARLY IN LIFE ABOUT YOU ALCOHOLISM. YOU MIGHT TRY AA MEETINGS TO MEET SOBER FRIENDS, IT DOES WONDERS FOR MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. I go to lots of AA meetings, and have some great friends in my life today because of it. You hear about people quitting drinking but drink NA beer.