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Many of the women who have written in have expressed feeling betrayed when they discover their men have looked at pornography.

They have expressed the belief that they are not attractive enough, or desirable enough, or sexy enough.

Children who were abused, targets of corporal punishment at the hands of parents, or who were otherwise mistreated gain joy out of pornography by identifying themselves with the sadist in these photos and movies.

For women, feelings of shame often have to do with body image issues.

Women compare themselves to other women and fear that they are not thin enough, shapely enough, or large breasted enough to fit the stereotypical view of what is defined as a beautiful woman.

In addition to body image issues, women struggle with what is and is not acceptable about being sexual when you are female.

To this day there remains the double standard that for men it is permissible to be sexual but for women sexuality represents being immoral and sinful.

It goes without saying that masturbation occurs in isolation, at least under these circumstances, and the wife or partner is not involved in this solo activity. Why do so many men view porn in private and keep it secret from their wives, even from those wives who are willing partners in jointly viewing pornography as a "turn on" preceding foreplay and intercourse? One of the reasons why men who are married, engaged to be married, or have a girl friend with whom they are sexually active, engage in the viewing of pornography in secret has to do with an emotion we recently visited called shame.